In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.
When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.
Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.
When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.
"she killed herself last thursday
(twenty-one days after christmas)
i called her nineteen times
(once for each zoloft she swallowed)
i left seventeen voicemails
(the other two times couldnt breathe enough to speak)
sent fifteen texts
(my hands were shaking)
i spelled “please” wrong thirteen times
(and “sorry” wrong eight)
i missed six days of school after
(i can still hear the sympathy in their smiles)
i listened to her last voicemail over and over
(four hours of self hatred)
memorizing the inflection of the last three words
(love you, bye. LOVE you, BYE)
but i didnt want you to hang up
kept screaming at the damn recording
like i could make it say something more
(took me two days to gain back sanity)
but it never did so
(fuck fuck fuck)
there was no end"
"I ruin people. They either crumble like sand under my burdens or drown in my seas of sorrow. People do not understand that when I shut them out, they are dodging a bullet.
And I am so sorry to the people I let in - I am selfish."
I love wearing bright colors,
and I love things that sparkle,
I laugh at everything,
and I smile more than most,
but darling believe me,
my mind is killing me."
"Cada vez que hablo contigo tengo la estúpida certeza de que no tengo la lengua en el lugar correcto."